6 Solutions for the Most Frustrating Perimenopausal Sexual Issues

Let’s face it, ladies—when it comes to sex, things don’t always go as smoothly as we’d like. And when perimenopause or menopause rolls around, it can feel like your body is playing some seriously unsexy tricks on you. Hormonal changes can bring on a slew of challenges, from vaginal dryness to low libido, leaving you feeling frustrated and less confident in the bedroom. But don’t despair! I’m here to help you navigate these frustrating sexual issues with a wink, a nudge, and some practical solutions that’ll have you feeling confident and back in control.

Here are six solutions to some of the most common sexual challenges women face during this time of life.

1. Vaginal Dryness: The Uninvited Guest

Vaginal dryness is one of the most common issues women face during perimenopause and menopause. As your estrogen levels decrease, your vaginal tissues can become thinner, drier, and less elastic. This lack of natural lubrication can make sex uncomfortable, or worse, downright painful.

The Science:

Estrogen plays a crucial role in maintaining the health of vaginal tissues. It helps keep the vaginal lining thick, elastic, and well-lubricated. During menopause, the decline in estrogen can lead to a condition known as atrophic vaginitis, where the vaginal walls become thinner and drier, leading to discomfort during intercourse.

Solution:

• Bring on the Lube: Water-based lubricants are your best friends here. Look for one that’s free of harsh chemicals and additives. If you’re into natural remedies, try a few drops of pure, organic coconut oil—it’s moisturizing, gentle, and can be used as a natural lubricant.
• Moisturize Regularly: In addition to using lubricants during sex, consider using vaginal moisturizers regularly to keep the tissues hydrated. These over-the-counter products are designed to maintain vaginal moisture and are different from lubricants used during intercourse.

Pro Tip: Regular sexual activity can help increase blood flow to the vaginal area, which in turn can improve natural lubrication. So, whether it’s solo play or with a partner, keep things active to promote a healthy, well-lubricated vagina.

2. Low Libido: When Desire Takes a Dive

It’s no secret that many women experience a drop in sexual desire during perimenopause and menopause. This dip in libido can be attributed to a variety of factors, including hormonal changes, stress, and even sleep disturbances.

The Science:

Testosterone, yes, the so-called “male hormone,” plays a significant role in sexual desire for both men and women. During menopause, levels of testosterone and estrogen decline, which can lead to a decrease in libido. Additionally, stress, fatigue, and mood swings—common during this time—can further dampen your desire.

Solution:

• Communicate: Open and honest communication with your partner about your feelings and needs is crucial. Sometimes, simply talking about your concerns can help alleviate stress and rekindle intimacy.
• Mindful Techniques: Practices such as mindfulness and meditation can help you reconnect with your body and desires. Consider integrating breathing exercises, body scans, or even guided imagery into your daily routine to help reignite your passion.
• Explore New Avenues: Sexuality isn’t static—it evolves. Consider exploring new activities or fantasies that might pique your interest. Sometimes, changing the routine can bring back that spark.

Pro Tip: Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) can help some women regain their libido by balancing hormone levels. However, it’s essential to consult with your healthcare provider to determine if HRT is right for you.

3. Painful Intercourse: No Thanks, Please

Pain during intercourse, also known as dyspareunia, can be a major barrier to enjoying a healthy sex life. This can be caused by vaginal dryness, thinning vaginal tissues, or even pelvic floor issues.

The Science:

As mentioned earlier, the decline in estrogen can lead to atrophic vaginitis, where the vaginal walls thin and lose elasticity, making intercourse uncomfortable. Additionally, as the pelvic floor muscles weaken with age, this can contribute to pain during sex.

Solution:

• Pelvic Floor Exercises: Strengthening the pelvic floor muscles through exercises like Kegels can help reduce pain during intercourse. These exercises improve blood flow to the pelvic area, support vaginal tissue health, and enhance sexual pleasure.
• Gentle Approaches: Consider changing positions during sex to ones that reduce pressure on sensitive areas. You might also explore slower, more gentle lovemaking techniques that allow for increased arousal and lubrication.

Pro Tip: Vaginal dilators, used under the guidance of a healthcare professional, can help gently stretch the vaginal tissues and reduce discomfort over time.

4. Body Image Blues: The Confidence Crusher

As your body changes with age, it’s common to experience fluctuations in body image and self-confidence. Weight gain, sagging skin, and other physical changes can impact how you feel about yourself, both in and out of the bedroom.

The Science:

During menopause, a slower metabolism, coupled with hormonal changes, can lead to weight gain and a shift in body composition. This can negatively affect self-esteem and, consequently, sexual desire.

Solution:

• Self-Love Rituals: Spend time each day appreciating your body for all it does. Create a self-care routine that includes positive affirmations, moisturizing your skin, or taking a luxurious bath. The goal is to connect with your body in a loving, nurturing way.
• Dress to Impress—Yourself: Wear lingerie or sleepwear that makes you feel sexy and confident. Sometimes, the right outfit can do wonders for your self-esteem.
• Move Your Body: Exercise not only helps with weight management but also releases endorphins that boost your mood and self-image. Even a short walk or yoga session can make a big difference in how you feel about your body.

Pro Tip: Confidence is sexy! When you feel good about yourself, it translates into your sex life. Focus on the parts of your body you love and let that confidence shine through.

5. Fatigue: When You’re Too Tired to Tango

Fatigue can be a significant barrier to maintaining a healthy sex life. Whether it’s due to sleepless nights, stress, or the physical toll of menopause, sometimes the thought of sex just feels like one more thing on your to-do list.

The Science:

Hormonal fluctuations during menopause can lead to sleep disturbances, night sweats, and even insomnia. The resulting fatigue can lower your energy levels and dampen your interest in sex.

Solution:

• Prioritize Rest: Create a sleep-friendly environment by keeping your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet. Establish a relaxing bedtime routine and aim for at least 7-8 hours of sleep each night.
• Energy-Boosting Foods: Incorporate energy-boosting foods into your diet, such as complex carbohydrates, lean proteins, and plenty of fruits and vegetables. Avoid heavy meals and caffeine close to bedtime.
• Mini-Naps: A short 20-30 minute nap during the day can recharge your batteries and help you feel more energized and ready for intimacy.

Pro Tip: If you’re struggling with sleep due to night sweats or insomnia, consider talking to your healthcare provider about options like HRT, natural supplements, or lifestyle changes that might help.

6. Relationship Disconnect: When You’re Out of Sync

Perimenopause and menopause can be a time of significant change—not just physically, but emotionally as well. It’s not uncommon for couples to feel out of sync during this time, which can lead to a decrease in intimacy and connection.

The Science:

Emotional changes during menopause, such as mood swings, anxiety, or depression, can strain relationships. Additionally, physical changes can lead to misunderstandings and frustrations between partners.

Solution:

• Open Communication: Regularly check in with your partner about how you’re both feeling. Express your needs, listen to theirs, and work together to find solutions that work for both of you.
• Date Nights: Set aside regular time for just the two of you. Whether it’s a romantic dinner, a movie night, or a walk in the park, reconnecting outside of the bedroom can strengthen your bond and improve intimacy.
• Couples Therapy: If you’re struggling to reconnect, consider seeking help from a couples therapist who can provide guidance and tools to help you both navigate this stage of life together.

Pro Tip: Sometimes, simply acknowledging that you’re both going through changes can make a huge difference. Approach this time as a team, supporting each other through the ups and downs.

Final Naughty Thoughts

Menopause doesn’t have to mean the end of your sexual satisfaction—it’s just the beginning of a new chapter. With a little patience, creativity, and self-love, you can navigate these challenges and continue to enjoy a fulfilling and passionate sex life. Remember, you’re in control, and you’ve got the power to keep things spicy, no matter what!

Signed,

The O! Coach xo